Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
