Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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