both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
