I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
