3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
