If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
