Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
