I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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