420 ftw
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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