did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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