you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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