its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
