I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have tasted many bathrooms
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
