shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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