It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
