$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
