so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
