TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
