He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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