I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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