I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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