I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
