can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
