Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
