it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
