I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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