we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
