i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
