oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
