New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
