I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
