I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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