8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize