a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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