My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
