STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
