dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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