so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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