Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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