WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
