she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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