Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
