Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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