I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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