so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
