I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
