We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Randomize
