I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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