the condom got lost in my hair
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
