Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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