Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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