i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
