you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm like, not good at living.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize