How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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