My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
