dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
