the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
