New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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