Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
