why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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