dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
