some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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