We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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