God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
