Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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