I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
