I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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