I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
